Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Eddie to Pablo: Email 1

To: Pablo
Subject: How do you learn to think for yourself?
From: Eddie (Aug 31, 2013)

--text follows this line--

What have we been talking about for the last thirty years? What's the one thing? How do you learn to think for your self! What philosophy teaches you to do that? Is it logic? If it is logic, then I can study logic. There is a lot to it, I know, and if I really believed that I'd start tonight, right now. You said to me: "I think about philosophy a lot, and I buy the books, but I don't read them." Yet you, Pablo, also are a searcher for wisdom. I know you have searched high and low. Often I know you are reading ten books at a time. Your little room which your family gave you, whose bookcases your very own son built for you and the beautiful roll-top desk Nancy found for you, and the computer and the extra large can you tell me that wisdom is distant, that you will never find a way to seek her out, never mind reach her. There must be a way, Pablo. I must calm down and think this out from the beginning. I think I will die soon. Anybody might die soon. (Maybe that is a the beginning.) But I do not want to die without entertaining in my mind a single shred of certainty. Why was I born, if I was to live in this quandary my entire life, sacrificing, too, in many ways, and never come out of it? Well, why was I born? To live a life. To gain experience. So I lived a life, and I gained experience...well, what did we do, you and I, sit around on our fat butts, doing nothing? No! I was always busy...Pablo, was I not, did I not keep busy? You and I have been friends for years. When was I not doing something? Did I sit on my fat butt half of a life time drinking beer? I did not! Maybe I did not read as much as you did, but still I went about, I tried to balance so I was doing while I was not doing, so there was time to consider. And I did consider; it was a form of prayer, sort of, you know, I used to sit quietly staring out the windows of my eyes upon the world, and I'd consider, often for hours, noting what I thought in my little notebook, not all of what I thought, but a piece here and there that I might find useful. I know you filled many notebooks too. But I put myself in this special situation, Pablo, I did not marry, you did. I was able to isolate myself; there were times I did not work because I did not have to; I gave myself up to my prayers. And I thought in this isolation of mine I might get somewhere, I might get to the bottom of things. But you know I didn't, I haven't and still to this day I can't point to one blessed thing that I can think of that has about it certainty. You will say, "Oh for God's sake Eddie, trust science. You will say that won't you?" But I don't. I would be happier a prehistoric North American indian at oneness with the earth. Well, what do you think about that my friend Pablo? Seems to me at one time I heard you speak in some such a way. Friendship on this earth is hideous because they just die on you. Eddie.

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